My Subaru died on Riverside Drive in Manhattan, stranding me in heavy traffic and providing an education about the unintended consequences of modern vehicular product design.

The experience also bolstered my faith in humanity as I was rescued by a Good Samaritan who relied on some analog tricks to get me back on the road. 

The day started with me discovering that the car battery had died. I was the victim of “parasitic drain” after I let it sit too long and the onboard computers sucked all the charge. 

While in the garage, I jumped the car and started to drive around trying to recharge the battery. That’s when I was hit by the second epic product design fail 

Modern cars are default programmed to turn off when you stop at red lights. It’s a fuel savings and emission cutting measure. It’s a great idea, until it’s not. 

Once the car turned off, it wouldn’t restart. 

That’s how I was left stranded on a busy section of road in Manhattan. The dead battery meant I couldn’t turn on the hazard lights or even put on the parking brake which is also electric. 

People drove by honking and flipping me the bird as I waved them to pass. 

I called AAA who said they were swamped because of the holiday weekend. It would be hours. 

Just as I was losing hope, a Franciscan monk and an apprentice from a nearby friary popped their heads in my window and asked if I needed help. 

Father Gabriel gathered rocks from Riverside Park to put under the wheels so I wouldn’t roll into traffic. The apprentice went to get a car and cables to restart my car. 

Meanwhile, Father Gabriel read the manual he found in the glove compartment and figured out how to disable the automatic start/stop feature so that it wouldn’t die again at the next red light. 

Modern cars contain so many electronics that drain batteries. And when the battery goes, you are dead in the water. There are no hazard lights, no parking brake and my car couldn’t even shift into neutral to push it out of harm’s way. 

I have a friend whose Tesla’s battery died while parked in a garage. They couldn’t even open the door to retrieve their belongings in the back seat. It became a giant brick. 

AAA called me back four hours later saying they had arrived at the scene. I was long gone by that point. I explained the situation. 

The operator was sympathetic. They said that during their first week on the job they had calls to jump 50 Subarus because of dead batteries. It turns out that the company is the subject of a class action lawsuit over the issue. 

Once I got on the road again, the first thing the car “asked” was whether I wanted to connect my device to the dashboard. 

I did not.